Photo Story Friday-The Birth Story Edition

This will be an incredibly long post. I’ll try to make it more interesting with pictures.

Monday morning, August 5, I was pretty sure I felt my water break at work. It wasn’t a giant gush, but enough for me to notice and I contacted our midwife, Melissa. Melissa told me to come to the birth center when I could, but not to rush or panic. It was about 9am and we had our ‘raises and promotion’ talk at work that morning and I really wanted to have that talk before I was out for 12 weeks. She said if I wasn’t having contractions that I could stay and come to the birth center once I was done with my talk. (I got a promotion and a raise….good note to leave on in my opinion.) Me and the Hubs got to the birth center at 11:30. Melissa did an exam which allowed her to extract some fluid to test, and she also pulled out my mucus plug. We also learned I was 3 cm dilated. She suggested we go have lunch while she tested the fluids.

We got back from lunch and it seemed that my water had indeed broken. Melissa stripped my membranes, told me she could feel our Milkshake’s head with a thin layer of membranes covering her hair, and sent us home with some a regimen to try to get the contractions started:
Herbal Induce every 30 minutes
Breast pump for 1 hour
Slow 45 minute walk
30 min warm shower
Repeat with a different contraction inducing herb
We tried the regimen 2 times through, and a third time with just pumping when Melissa called to ask our progress. Since I was not having any contractions she said go to sleep, take a break and start again when you wake up in the morning.

After the first 45 minute walk:

I started the regimen again at 4am and still had no progress. At this point I was starting to worry since my water broke about 24 hours ago. Melissa had another midwife look at the slide from my fluids and they said the fawning wasn’t totally evident and since they could still feel a sack around Logan’s head there was no need to panic. My outer sack had broken but she was still ok. She also said to stop the regimen because my body and baby weren’t ready. Thank goodness, all that pumping made for some sore nipples.

Wednesday, August 7, we went for the biophysical ultrasound since I was 41 weeks and everything looked great. The sack was still there, placenta looked good, baby looked good and the technician guessed she would weigh about 8lbs at birth. We went to the birth center that afternoon and Melissa stripped more membranes and I was still 3cm dilated so everything was ok, just enjoy the last few days of it being just me and the Hubs.

Thursday, August 8, we took Riley and Madelyn to the dog park around 8am. While we were there I felt achy, flu-like aches, and I also started having mild contractions. When we got home I checked my temperature and I had a fever. I called Melissa and she had me come to the birth center because going in to labor sick or with a fever wouldn’t be good. I didn’t have a fever when I got there but she had me take some Emergen-C and some strong vitamins (Viracid) every hour. We headed back home to rest and relax. Around 5 Thursday evening I downloaded the Contraction Master app because the contractions were becoming more regular. The Hubs got me Subway for dinner and we watched a few episodes of Weeds. At 8pm Melissa said to take a bath (my water had not broken) and try to get some sleep—if it was true labor it would wake me up.

We turned the lights off at 10…the Hubs fell asleep, I felt serious contractions and continued timing them. I had my rainbow relaxation cd on and it was really helping. I was also walking all over the house because it helped me focus on breathing and not the pressure. At midnight I text Melissa and let her know the contractions didn’t have a steady pattern, but they were about 5 minutes apart and I was really feeling them. Melissa called me and said this may or may it be IT, grab your stuff and come to the birth center. I woke the hubs and we packed our bags (after he showered and got dressed for Logan’s arrival) and headed to the birth center.

We arrived at the birth center at 1:30am Friday (August 9) morning. Melissa checked me and I was 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced….this was IT. It wasn’t a big OMG moment like I thought it would be, I just got comfortable while Melissa filled the birth tub and the hubs got our relaxation cd and book set up.

Birthing our Milkshake had finally begun! I moved from the bed to the birth pool to the toilet to the birth pool to the bed etc.

I was ENCOURAGED to drink and eat several times. I had zero appetite so Melissa and Natalie had me take big spoon fills of honey so I didn’t get dehydrated and so I would continue to have energy.

Around 7am I was complete and began breathing down/pushing. I never got the big urge to push (we found out why a few hours later*) but Melissa and Natalie were amazing and helped guide me to know where to focus my pushing. And I pushed and pushed and pushed….in the bed on my back, in the pool in a squat, on the toilet (it’s a great pushing position), in the bed on my hands and knees, in the pool with the hubs supporting my upper body….and I pushed and pushed and pushed. Around 11am I got back on the bed on my back and held my knees, the hubs held my feet, Melissa held me open and Natalie held me open and when I pushed they were trying to help Logan’s head crown. We could see her head but it would descend when the contractions stopped, and all progress was lost. After over 5 hours of intense pushing, using tools, techniques, olive oil, different positions and major prayer it was decided I would be transported to the nearest hospital because Logan was stuck and would not move past my pelvis (*medical term-failure to descend). I didn’t want to stop trying, but the hubs, Melissa and Natalie said it was best and most safe for me and our Milkshake.

When we got to the hospital the doctor on call was someone the midwives really like because she is supposed to be fantastic with forceps and/or a vacuum. I still wanted a vaginal birth very badly, but my uterus was exhausted and I would need Pitocin to kick the contractions. In my head the plan was epidural (my relaxed Hypno state could not be obtained at this point), Pitocin and pushing with assistance from forceps and a vacuum. I was checked internally by a nurse and again by a doctor that would assist if necessary (I REALLY liked him and wish I asked for him to be my doctor) and a nurse. They said it was maybe possible forceps would work but the first thing was the epidural. Everyone left the room except me and a nurse while we waited for the anesthesiologist to come. She had me sit up (it took almost 10 minutes for me to sit completely flat on my bottom, it just hurt too badly) and that is when I got scared…it hurt like crazy (I was basically sitting on my sweet baby girls head) and her heart rate dropped. Alarms went off, nurses came running in and had me get on all fours because our Milkshake was not happy with mommaE sitting up (and mommaE didn’t like it either). The nurse said, ‘Get ready mom, we have to get that baby out now.’ Like I said, very scary. Her heart rate improved very quickly and the on-call doctor came in. She wanted to check me, but before she did she said she’s doing a c-section regardless. She didn’t like Logan’s heart rate dropping, it was too risky. I told her if she’s doing a c-section no matter what she finds then I refuse the check…I was so miserable with the last check I finally uttered the words I swore I wouldn’t, I told the hubs and Melissa (because she’s amazing and was still there with us) "I can’t handle the pain, I just can’t." It hurt me so badly, but I couldn’t handle having one more hand shoved inside feeling around my cervix and poking an area that was insanely sensitive from being over touched (hands, fingers, metal tools, etc). The doctor said that’s fine she was doing a c-section because vaginal delivery was no longer safe.

They wheeled me into the OR and let me lay on my side while they did the spinal block. It was pain free. Next thing I knew the hubs was at my head and the doctor was tugging and saying, “She’s really stuck in here.” Then, at 2:13pm, “Baby is out. She’s got meconium.” They took her to the side and I could turn my head and see them suction my baby girl…and I kept telling the Hubs I can’t hear her, I can’t hear her, I can’t hear her—-and then she cried. Oh my goodness it was the most glorious sound in the world!! The Hubs went to talk to her and he said one word her eyes popped open and she stared right at him. It was amazing. He brought her for me to see and kiss her and then he left with her to the nursery. I didn’t get my skin to skin, and it crushed me. But, Logan was healthy and with her Father so I knew she was in the most loving hands. I was so glad me and the Hubs had discussed nearly every situation ahead of time, and of course an emergency c-section was the absolute last thing we wanted to talk about, but we did and he knew not to leave her. They glued me back together and I was wheeled to recovery. I kept asking when I  could hold my baby and the nurse told me it would be a while so they could do all the newborn stuff. Then the Hubs came in, without Logan….ummmm, where was she? As calmly as possible he explained to me she would be in the NICU for 48 hours. After all that had happened that day to hear that was so upsetting.

I FINALLY got to hold her about an hour later for just a few minutes, then she went back to the NICU. We were able to visit her in the NICU about 2 hours later. The NICU was a terrible, horrible, awful experience that I won’t eve post about because it was that bad. Logan was super healthy, the nurses were incredibly terrible for this first time mom.

Monday, August 12 we headed home for the fur babies to meet their new sister.

We are incredibly grateful for the amazing care we received at the birth center and the hospital. Our baby girl is healthy and absolutely fabulous. Having a c-section has been very difficult for me to cope with, add nursing issues because of the horrible nurses, and it made for lots and lots of tears. I am still very jealous of any vaginal birth. It probably sounds selfish, we have a healthy baby and so many couples want just that, but it is true. I have had a difficult time feeling like a failure. I failed Logan when she didn’t get bonding and nursing from me immediately. I have had difficulty getting over failing the Hubs…he supported my Hypobirth desires and I couldn’t give him the final result. I have had difficulty getting over failing Melissa and the birth center. I have a check up next Friday and will learn about any potential VBAC possibilities (yes, I am already thinking about it). Me and the Hubs are SO very happy we had the time at the birth center, and I encourage any expecting mommy out there to consider Hypnobirthing AND see if there is a birth center near you. (Melissa came to see us the next day in the hospital and Natalie came over to our house TWICE to help with nursing and check on us.) I have officially switched to having Melissa as my care provider for all things female, and if an OB/GYN/DR is needed I will trust her guidance…the personal care we received is truly priceless. I am very glad we have the pictures and memories of Logan’s birth before the c-section because that bonding with the Hubs and Logan is irreplaceable.